


Pulled Apart

by Hellsqveen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Stanford!Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:48:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5287793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellsqveen/pseuds/Hellsqveen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam was leaving.  He had to.  But he hadn't yet told the one person that mattered most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pulled Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the November 2015 Supernatural Writing Challenge with the prompt bus

“So, you’re leaving. We’re you ever going to tell me,” Dean asked, voice strained. Sam glanced up from this textbook and blanched at what he saw in his brother’s hand; his bus ticket to California. Dean saw everything he needed to in Sam’s face. “You weren’t were you? You were just going to leave and then what? Call from California and say ‘oh hey btw…’ Classy, Sam, classy.”

“I...of course I was going to tell you! I just, I just didn’t know how. I need to get away, Dean.” The second that sentence left his mouth, he wanted to push the words back in his mouth. He could see Dean shut down; see the exact moment he took Sam’s words wrong. “Dean, I didn’t mean…”

 

“Just stop, Sam. I get it. It’s too much here; all of this. Well, then just fucking go. Have a great life.” His words were harsh but he couldn’t force the tone of voice to match. His heart hurt; it felt like Sam had ripped his heart out with just words. He tossed the ticket on the table and retreated to his room, slamming the door behind him. 

Sam sat at the table, ticket slightly crumbled atop his homework, contemplating following Dean. It wasn’t him he wanted away from so much as the hunting lifestyle he didn’t want. Dean was his everything; his brother, his best friend, his love. How could Dean not see that? Had he really let him think he was part of the problem? Sam closed the textbook and just sat, thinking back on the past few weeks.

John forcing Sam to go on a hunt. Dean silently watching his back.  
Sam and John arguing so much they never noticed Dean had been hurt. Dean immediately forgiving Sam as he patched him up.  
Dean wanting just a moment of Sam’s time. Sam pushing him away in order to study.

He’d been pushing Dean away for awhile now and that needed to stop. He pushed his chair back from the table and moved to Dean’s room. “Dean?” He got no verbal response but could hear Dean moving around. “Dean, jerk, please let me it,” he pleaded after finding the door locked.

“Just go away, Sam.” Sam could hear something in Dean’s voice he hadn’t heard in years; were those...tears? He’d hurt his brother so much, he was crying. That couldn’t be right, Dean never cried. 

“Dean, please. I...I want to talk to you. Please.” He leaned against the door, listening for anything. He was surprised when he heard the near silent snick of the lock moving. Sam slowly pushed the door open and saw Dean standing by the window, facing away from him. “Dean. When I said...I don’t want away from you,” he said, taking steps toward him. When he was close enough to his brother, he wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in Dean’s back. “I don’t want to leave you, Dean, I don’t! But, this life; hunting and living on the road, it’s not what I want anymore.”

Dean sighed, “I know Sam. But I’m a part of that life, by saying you want nothing to do with hunting essentially says you want nothing to do with me.” He made no move to hug Sam back but he also didn’t pull away which Sam took as a good sign. 

“That’s not true! You’re more than this life, Dean! You could have so much more. You could come with me!” The words were out before he realized but he didn’t regret them; he’d never meant anything more in his life. 

Dean snorted, “Yeah? And what would I do in sunny California? Grow my hair out and learn to surf? Come on, Sam. Hunting is all I know, it’s all I’m good at. I’m not smart enough for college or any other bullshit job you say I could do.” He relented and put his hands over Sam’s on his stomach. 

Sam squeezed Dean tighter, “yes you are, Dean! You are smart! How else could you have helped me with my homework all these years?” He felt tears burning his own eyes as he spoke, knowing his words would never burrow into Dean’s brain enough to believe them. 

Dean turned around and took Sam’s hands in his, “I get you have to leave, Sam. I think, deep down, I always knew you would. I guess I just thought you’d tell me; I want to be happy with you, for you. But hiding it? Makes me wonder just how important I really am to you.” 

Sam let the tears fall, he really had let Dean down. “How can you think that?! I’ve let you believe that, haven’t I? I’ve let you believe that I need to leave more than I need you.? That realization was a stab in Sam’s heart. He always thought he’d have Dean forever, that he always understood Sam without him having to actually tell him. But the man standing before him, he needed reassurance from a brother who he felt was abandoning him. Sam leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean’s, his tongue begging for admittance. 

Dean fought Sam for a few seconds but couldn’t deny what he wanted. He parted his lips and suddenly Sam’s tongue was exploring his mouth. And Dean could taste him; ranch dressing, girly coffee, and something that was purely Sam. He pulled back and looked at his brother, the person he loved more than anything in this world. The brother he would tear Heaven and Hell apart for. He took a deep breath and cupped Sam’s cheek, “At least let me drive you to the bus station.”

~2 weeks later~

Dean stood, leaning against the Impala, leather jacket haphazardly thrown over his clothes. It was the most disheveled Sam had ever seen him. Dean turned to Sam and tried to smile, it looked more like a grimace but neither Winchester bothered to mention that fact. 

Sam moved to stand in front of Dean, duffle over his shoulder, “I’ll call you.” He received a barely there nod of acceptance. His heart was breaking, he was losing Dean all because he couldn’t stay and accept a life he didn’t want. “Dean, I…” He was cut off when he was enveloped in the tightest hug he’d ever had. Immediately, his arms were around his brother and tears were coursing down his face. “I’m sorry, Dean. So sorry.”

Dean shushed him, “Don’t. I get it now.” He pulled away, eyes wet with unshed tears of his own. “Promise me one thing. Don’t forget about me, okay?” 

“Never.” Sam took a deep breath and turned from Dean, making his way toward the bus. Once on board, he sat near a window to be able to see Dean as he left. His brother never moved from where he leaned against his ‘Baby’. Offering just a small wave as he pulled away and out of sight. 

Dean let his eyes close and got back into the car, realizing he’d never see that Sam again. The next time they’d meet, everything would be different.

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is welcome! You can also find me/prompt me on Tumblr at hellsqveen <3


End file.
